How Do I Break the News To Mommy?

I hate tomatoes.

There. I've said it to you guys. But how do I let Mommy know?

She's been watering these plants all summer, and yesterday the first "cherry tomato" was ready. She talked to me and to Smudgie and said that the first one would be for her and her alone and that she was very sorry. Hudson pretended to beg for it, but I knew better. No thanks. No tomatoes for me.

Today two more were ready.

And she picked them.

And she squealed and made us sit nice.

And then.

Ewwwww.

She gave each of us one.

Smudgie jumped around and pounced on his and carried on like he liked it (I'm sure he was just being polite), and then he actually ATE it.

I tried so hard. Really I did. But that little sucker tasted yucky. And it kept shooting out of my mouth when I tried to bite into it. Then Smudgie came over and TRIED TO STEAL IT. 'Sup with that?

So, I had no choice. I ate it. But it took ten minutes of really working hard to get it down and I didn't enjoy it one bit.

I even made the face. You know, my ooooooooo, that's gross face. Mommy and Daddy watched and giggled and said they love that face. So now it's looking like I'll be getting more tomatoes.

It's nice to be thought of, of course, but how do I get this to stop? How do I tell Mommy that I don't want anymore without breaking her heart? I could just give mine to Smudgie, but there are certain rules in the dog world and that would just be wrong.

So, if anyone has any ideas on how to let Mommy down easily I am open to it. Right now we are just being forced to eat little tomatoes, but there are big ones, turning light orange on the plants, even as we speak. What if she makes me eat a big one?

Help!

Take care all, and don't ever plant tomatoes. Nothing good ever comes of it.

Rudy, TomatoHater

Smudgie and I had Company Last Night!

Last night was the best! We had company.

I loved seeing Aunt Brighit, and cousins Jzero and Vienna. I also got to see Leah too, and I'm thinking she'll be an honorary cousin too. Mommy never explained the details to us, but she was pretty nice. She didn't even get mad at me when I nosed her repeatedly during dinner.

Mostly I was a pretty good boy. Daddy makes us sit and be calm when people come in. I follow the rule and he releases me quickly. It's Smudgie who is kind of a jerk to company. He always wants to sit on their heads, and it turns out people don't like it.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank them all for coming last night. Smudgie and I LOVED having them here (so did Mommy and Daddy too). I'm sorry that Smudgie wasn't better, but he did seem to redeem himself a little later on when he showed everyone how cute he looks when he spins around in circles.

Mommy even put a video of him on youtube doing the spinning. You can find it here:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-4qqoThpFs

I don't know if you can just click there or if you have to cut and paste. I know I should be more tech savvy, but I think I've learned a lot already...not bad for a young sheepie.

Take care all, and drop by any time. We sheepies LOVE company.

Happy Host Rudy

I think I should get an allowance.

Mommy was sorting money on the kitchen table. She has a spare change jar that it all goes into. She also puts in any paper money that Daddy leaves lying out (you'd be surprised how often he does that).

She left it unattended and went looking for something called "two nickels" to finish something else called a "roll."

While she was gone I checked out the money. I had to stand on the bench to see it, but I wanted to make sure she was counting it accurately. I always try to pitch in and be helpful around here. While I was there I started to think, "I could use a little mad money." That way, I could get my own McDonald's cheeseburgers from time to time, and not have to bother Mommy and Daddy.

So I thought I was being helpful. I carefully took a five dollar bill off the table (no sense in being greedy...I left the larger bills and rolls of coins alone).

She caught me. Red pawed (mouthed? teethed? lipped?)

She didn't get all that mad, but she did take it back and she told me that I would absolutely not be getting a weekly allowance. That seemed a bit harsh. She also said that now she knows who put all the shoes in the living room yesterday. Well, of course it was me! I never said it wasn't. Smudgie's been doing it for my whole life (since I got here) and it always looked like fun, so I decided to try it too, and you know what? It IS fun.

But Mommy isn't thrilled with my sense of initiative and entrepreneurial spirit.

So, here I am, completely tapped out and without an allowance. I think it's unfair. I'll have to spend some more time thinking this through, and coming up with my next strategy.

Take care all, and remember, dogs need cheeseburger money too! Or maybe just my own little doggiedebit card?

Rudy "Babyface" Patootie

I don't think Smudgie gets how lucky he is!

Mommy was working really hard today, doing that housecleaning/purging thing she's been doing all summer. Daddy was "helping." He did some good stuff, I'm sure, but he also complained a lot about how she shouldn't throw things out. I guess he's going to build an addition to house all the stuff then?

I had to laugh. They did all this "shredding" and in the process they burned out the shredder. Mommy said that the shredder could go in the garbage then. Daddy got all mad and said that they should keep it.

What exactly is a broken shredder good for anyway? I don't get it.

But that's really not the point of my post.

In the middle of all this work, they took a break and let me and Smudgie out for a pee. Mommy said that I should go look at the riverboat going past our backyard, but I was more interested in the squirrel on the fence so I kinda missed it. Oh well.

So I went for a romp to Poo Corner and checked things out, and Smudgie peed as close to the deck as is caninely possible so that Mommy couldn't actually be mad. She laughed at him of course, and thought it was neat that he was, technically, following the "NO PEEING ON THE DECK" rule.

But then he wandered off into the wilder, grassy, untamed areas of the general "going out to pee or poo" area. I don't understand exactly why he pees in deck adjacent fashion every single time and then goes out to forage in the area Mommy wants us to use for peeing. Silly Smudgie.

Anyway, after a few minutes we both came in and I wanted to play, but Smudgie was biting at his front footie.

Mommy noticed right away and came over to help him. She figured something was poking his toes, or stuck in his pad, or something like that.

Hudson immediately assumed that she had come to torture, kill, or maim him (as if anyone has ever done anything like that to a sheepdog in this house!) and he ran away.

She chased him and he hid under the table and then he dove around the table and ran for the safety of the upstairs, but she cut him off at the computer room door, and managed to grab his dollar.

He squirmed and tried to get free. He tried to back out of his collar. He started making gagging sounds but Mommy wouldn't let go. With her other hand she reached for his footie, but he pulled it away. She made him sit, and then lay down. He was shaking and carrying on.

She held his footie firmly (but gently, I could tell). He continued to try to pull it away, but she wouldn't let him go. I believe she called him a '"doofus" and a "drama queen." I think both were fair quite frankly.

She took her hand off his collar, and used that one to take a large burr out from between his toes. She laughed and said, "It wasn't even really stuck you silly dog. What was all THAT about?"

Smudgie did give her a thank you kiss, but as soon as she released his footie he quickly backed away and escaped, keeping a safe distance.

Doesn't he get how lucky he is?

He has a Mommy (and Daddy) who love him enough to put up with all his nonsense, ignore his horrid behaviour, and take good care of him. I mean seriously, how lucky is he to have a family that will chase him through the house to take a burr out from between his toes that is only causing him discomfort in the first place?

Maybe Smudgie just doesn't get it because he's always had a family, but I sure get it. A family loves you and takes care of you, even when you're cranky. And I know what it's like to NOT have a family, so I really know what I am talking about.

So, on behalf of Smudgie I'D like to say an official thank you to Mommy. I appreciate my family so very much and I know how lucky I am, even if Smudgie doesn't get it.

Take care all, and remember to love your families. Not everyone is lucky enough to have one.

Rudy, Grateful Family Man

I need to talk about tomatoes.

I'm a little confused, so please bear with me as I think through this.

It seems that Mommy has initiated something called "tomato" out on the deck. There were these six little plants at first, but as I was "noodling about" (as she puts it) on the deck I accidentally stepped on one and it broke. Frankly I think they should just make them stronger than that, but no one ever asks me about these things.

So then there were five.

Smudgie says that four of them are something called a "cherry tomato" which just plain sounds weird, and that I stepped on a real tomato plant so now there's only one of those left.

You can see why I'm so confused. I asked Smudgie why there were mixing cherries (a fruit) with tomatoes (a vegetable) and he said that they are both actually fruits, and then I just knew he was messing with me again. Sigh. How come I can never get a straight answer out of him?

So, twice a day (it's really insanely hot and sunny right now) Mommy goes out and gives these "tomato plants" a drink. What's up with that? I've never seen them use a straw, or open anything that even comes close to a mouth, but out she goes anyway. And then the mud in their pots smells REALLY good, but if I go over she says, "Leave it." And she uses that tone. You know the tone Mommies have that means, "the world will end if you don't listen to me." So I listen to her. Smudgie just snickers.

Now these giant plants (that I am to LEAVE alone) have these small green ball-y things growing on them. Hudson says those are tomatoes but I am not falling for that one. I know that tomatoes are red. I've seen Mommy carry a bag of them right out of Safeway (where tomatoes live) and they are always red. Nice try Smudgie. I wasn't born yesterday.

But my naughty little big brother says that when they start turning red Mommy will probably let us eat them. This makes no sense to me. First, how does something green just magically turn red? Secondly, these plants smell nothing like steak so why would Mommy think dogs want to eat them, and thirdly, why would she make us stay away from the plants and THEN offer us the opportunity to eat them later?

Sounds like some sort of elaborate undercover plot, and I will eventually get to the bottom of it. I just have no idea where to start.

Fear not loyal friends, I will investigate further and report back when I can.

Take care all, and keep a careful eye on the things that grow on your deck.

Rudy (in deep cover investigating Tomatogate)

Daddy has broken my heart

I never, ever, EVER thought my Daddy would let me down, but last night he did and I am devastated. If it weren't for my Mommy I'd be completely inconsolable today. Thank goodness for Mommy!

Daddy had some things he needed to do before bed. The evil euphorbia plant fell on Mommy yesterday and she had it. She said it was time to stop picking that plant up and cleaning up after it, and get it out of the house. Daddy loves that plant, and wanted to save it. Frankly, it freaks me out. Plants should not jump off shelves on their own and make messes. It's just not right...but I digress.

So, Daddy cut off nearly all of the plant's arms. I guess that's so it can't scratch up Mommy again. She was not happy. She wanted it out of here. It's only about two feet tall now, and before it was six or seven, so I think she can take it now that it's little, but time will tell.

Then he wandered around the house, looked at the leaky toilet in the bathroom upstairs, and pronounced it "broken." This did not impress Mommy. She said she already knew it was broken (the puddle on the floor told her that) what she wanted to know was how to make it NOT BROKEN anymore. He says he'll think about it this weekend. Mommy made that sighing sound and rolled her eyes.

Then he called me and Smudgie up to bed and Mommy stayed up late in the TV room. We thought we were going for a nap. We had no idea that Daddy was going to bed. No idea at all.

Did you notice what was missing?

HE FORGOT TO FEED US.

Oh the horror!

He went to bed without our third meal of the day, affectionately called "second dinner." I laid down, my heart breaking, I knew my life was over. That's it. Starvation.

I had loved living here. I LOVED my family (even Smudgie) and now to be left to starve to death overnight. Oh no. OH NO.

Smudgie is a little more, shall we say, assertive than I am. When he figured this out (a little after I did, but let's not judge), he took action. First he kicked at Daddy, but Daddy was already sleeping and woke up just enough to say, "Go away."

Then Smudgie decided desperate times called for desperate measures.

He started scratching and kicking at the bedroom door like a maddog. Then he started barking with all his might. This got Mommy's attention so she came and got us. I thought we were saved, but she didn't get it at first. She took us out for a pee.

Well thanks Mommy. We did need to pee. When Daddy forgot to feed us, he also forgot our post dinner pee, but really, we weren't all that worried about the peeing part.

She told us to come back upstairs and I sadly, and obediently, went. But Smudgie wanted nothing to do with that. He planted his enormous bum by his bowl and would not budge.

Mommy looked at him and said, "Are you trying to tell me something?"

And Smudgie said nothing. He just glared at her.

So Mommy ran upstairs and woke Daddy up. He was grouchy. I know, because I felt obligated to follow her upstairs. Only Smudgeman was brave enough to stay parked at the bowls.

She asked him if he'd fed the boys (I'm a boy! I'm a boy!) and he thought about it a minute and said, "Bad word, I didn't." Well, again my heart fell. He seemed so matter of fact about it, and he rolled over and went back to sleep.

Woe is me. Woe is Rudy.

Then something amazing happened. Mommy looked at me and said, "Well Rudy, I guess I'll have to save the day and feed you boys." My heart leaped. And so did my body, right up in the air. Mommy laughed at me and said, "Dude, it's only fifteen minutes late."

So we came back downstairs (Smudgie still hadn't moved a muscle) and Mommy fed us.

SHE FED US.

SHE FED US.

DID YOU GET THAT? SHE FED US.

Mommy saved the day. She sensed our pain as we were wasting away, and she saved us both!

It was the best kibble ever.

Thank you Mommy.

Then she took us back upstairs and locked us in the room with the evil Daddy. We both vowed to never forgive him, and we won't, but we did agree there was no sense in punishing ourselves by staying off the bed, so we did go up and snuggle him, but we didn't really mean it.

So there you have it. Mommy saved our very lives last night. She's pretty good that way. And this morning we really showed Daddy. We woke him up for breakfast early. So there.

So all is well now...for the moment. But we'll be watching that Daddy guy very carefully from now on.

Take care all, and pay attention to tummies. They need to be kept full.

Survivor Rudy, who almost starved to death last night

This is not fair.

My wonderful Daddy took me rollerblading again today. It was so much fun. I ran and ran and ran, faster than the wind. It was great. Just me and my Daddy and no rotten brothers.

I heard that Daddy doesn't want to take Smudgie blading anymore. All Smudgie does is bark like a maniac and bite at the leash...sometimes he even nips Daddy. So it seems fair to me that Smudgie shouldn't get to rollerblade then.

But...after my rollerblading he took Smudgie for his very own walk.

Did he stop to think that I like walks too?

Maybe I wanted to go for a walk.

Now, let's be clear, I'd never choose a walk instead of rollerblading but I'm saying a walk in addition to rollerblading. It's not like I ever get too tired to continue.

So, here I am, happy that I got to run, but sad that no one invited me on a walk. I think that this is just too unfair. All that, and a week of eating stinky blueberries. Sigh. Not good.

Take care all, and ever ever leave your favourite dog out of anything at all.

Rudy, the unwalked

Apparently it is Blueberry Season

Mommy keeps giving us blueberries and Smudgie says that it will be months before that stops, so I've been forced to eat blueberries. I've even given up on dropping them on the floor and making stains because although Mommy yells when I do it, she keeps giving them to me.

So as I always say, "There's no such thing as bad people food." (Although blueberries come close...and I have to make the blueberry face when I eat them, which just makes Mommy laugh and give them to me more.)

There are so many indignities involved in being a sheepdog...but I guess having a family that loves me and snuggles and cuddles me makes up for those.

Well, I gotta go. There's this squirrel who runs across our deck every twelve seconds or so...I've been stalking him for weeks. I think today might be my lucky day, but I can't possibly get him if I'm on the computer, so I must sign off now.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Take care all, and watch for squirrels,

Rudy the Exterminator

Now this is AGAIN unfair.

Woe is me. Woe is Rudy.

I love sitting on my Daddy's lap and usually Smudgie hogs it so I don't get a regular turn very often.

There I was, finally lounging on my Daddy and my mean little big brother with his enormous tushie climbs up, pushes me out of the way, and SLEEPS ON ME.

This does not count as a turn for me. No way. No how. Not fair.

And look how happy Daddy looks. Doesn't he SEE Hudson's big old head all the way across my neck? Yep, that beautiful bum you see is MINE, not his, so he's laying right across me.

The audacity!

Woe is Rudy.

Take care all,

Rudy, the ubersquished

Today I ate a blueberry.

Yuck.

It was gross. I didn't want it but Smudgie sure did so I HAD to eat it.

Blech.

The only fun part was squishing it up really well and dropping it on the carpet repeatedly.

Mommy made the best screaming sounds.

Take care all,

The Rudyberry