I need to talk about tomatoes.

I'm a little confused, so please bear with me as I think through this.

It seems that Mommy has initiated something called "tomato" out on the deck. There were these six little plants at first, but as I was "noodling about" (as she puts it) on the deck I accidentally stepped on one and it broke. Frankly I think they should just make them stronger than that, but no one ever asks me about these things.

So then there were five.

Smudgie says that four of them are something called a "cherry tomato" which just plain sounds weird, and that I stepped on a real tomato plant so now there's only one of those left.

You can see why I'm so confused. I asked Smudgie why there were mixing cherries (a fruit) with tomatoes (a vegetable) and he said that they are both actually fruits, and then I just knew he was messing with me again. Sigh. How come I can never get a straight answer out of him?

So, twice a day (it's really insanely hot and sunny right now) Mommy goes out and gives these "tomato plants" a drink. What's up with that? I've never seen them use a straw, or open anything that even comes close to a mouth, but out she goes anyway. And then the mud in their pots smells REALLY good, but if I go over she says, "Leave it." And she uses that tone. You know the tone Mommies have that means, "the world will end if you don't listen to me." So I listen to her. Smudgie just snickers.

Now these giant plants (that I am to LEAVE alone) have these small green ball-y things growing on them. Hudson says those are tomatoes but I am not falling for that one. I know that tomatoes are red. I've seen Mommy carry a bag of them right out of Safeway (where tomatoes live) and they are always red. Nice try Smudgie. I wasn't born yesterday.

But my naughty little big brother says that when they start turning red Mommy will probably let us eat them. This makes no sense to me. First, how does something green just magically turn red? Secondly, these plants smell nothing like steak so why would Mommy think dogs want to eat them, and thirdly, why would she make us stay away from the plants and THEN offer us the opportunity to eat them later?

Sounds like some sort of elaborate undercover plot, and I will eventually get to the bottom of it. I just have no idea where to start.

Fear not loyal friends, I will investigate further and report back when I can.

Take care all, and keep a careful eye on the things that grow on your deck.

Rudy (in deep cover investigating Tomatogate)