Wednesday, August 18, 2010
This is starting to bug me...
When I first arrived here, Mommy would explain things to me. She'd usually start with, "You have a family now Rudy...and families (insert comment here)."
At first I really loved hearing that. Mommy would say things like "Families give you love," or "Families scratch your tummy," or even, "Families teach you the rules so you'll be safe." My personal favourite has always been, "Families love you and keep you forever." That's the one thing I waited my whole life to hear! I cannot hear it enough, which is okay, because Mommy reminds me at least once a day. She also says, "Thank you for being our puppy" a lot too. Nice stuff, right?
So, why has she gone and ruined this beautiful phrase I have loved so much? In the last few weeks alone I have heard, "Families....."
-care about you and don't let you eat socks.
-brush the burrs from your fur.
-pull chunks of hair from your ears (she says it's to avoid infections).
-take you to the vet to "keep you healthy." I don't mind the vet. I DO mind the vet's fingers in my bottom.
-love you enough to NOT feed you table scraps. (I'd like a recount please.)
-teach you something called "manners" so you won't scare strangers.
-will not let you run around without your leash.
-squirt eye drops in your eyes just because they saw green stuff come out.
-try to teach you not to bat them with your enormous paws (something about manners again harumphffff!)
-tell you not to bark like a maniac when some strange dog walks past your house....they are insulting me. Doesn't she get it?
-do not let you jump on the kitchen table during dinner. HOW ELSE DO I START ACTUALLY GETTING MY FAIR SHARE?
So, I ask you...how did the phrase "families ___________" get so corrupted? How do I get them to switch back?
Take care all,
Rudy, Family Man
P.S. In the interest of fairness I should mention that I did hear one good one today, and it came with a yummy treat. Mommy did say, "Families share their Rice Krispies Treats, but don't tell Daddy about it." I hope he doesn't read my blog today!
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Hey Rudy, I hear ya. Now, the cool thing that I've learned about families is that sure they love you when you're good, and using your manners, and being all cute. But they ALSO love you EVEN WHEN YOU'RE MAKING MISTAKES! Things like
ReplyDelete- getting into the garbage can and eating your own weight in yummy stuff, and then...
- barfing on your Modron's bed
- knocking things off shelves and breaking them (when you're trying to get an upright's attention and they INSIST on ignoring you)
- having "butt issues" (you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, cousin)
- eye issues
- bolting out the door to
a) play in the mud
b) chase a squirrell, bird, or mouse
c) protect your property and everyone in it from interlopers and marauding strays
d) perform in-depth investigations on the underside of the big wooden thingy in the back yard that the uprights call a "deck", but you know is REALLY just a bunker for the pests in (b).
Yes Cousin Rudy, I have learned through experience that even though our people may yell, say not nice words, stomp, stare at us for hours on end, crate us, bathe us, take us to the doctor who pokes and prods our butts, make the garbage inaccessible (or at least try), hold us back from bolting out that front door, and generally spoil all our fun, they do it all because they love us and want us to be safe and healthy.
Just hang in there, go with it, and have faith in your uprights. I promise, we've got it made in the shade.
Zeke, Former Street Kitten Who Now Owns The House