A transplanted Floridian calls it as he sees it...

I promise to tell all! I'll be as rufff as I have to.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Update

We're free now, and the bedroom, though ugly, has been put back together. Mommy's almost finished washing all the blankets and bedding (they got dusty) and all the carpet and understuff is removed. Mommy cut up all the understuff and filled nine garbage bags. Daddy threw the carpet off the balcony and into "Poo Corner."

Mommy's gonna kill him for that one, sooner or later. Sheesh. I really liked him.

So here's the problem. Smudgie's afraid of the bedroom now and won't walk on the floor. So, I can still sprawl out on the bed and watch the window, but he cries from the hallway.

Silly Smudgie. It's the exact same room, except (turns out Mommy was right), now it smells better, and your nails make a great clacking sound.

I don't know what he'll do at bedtime, but I do know that I'll have more bed this way.

In other news...

TOMORROW I GO TO MY VERY FIRST BBQ!! I actually got invited to one. Well, to be honest, Mommy and Daddy and Smudgie are coming too, but this is my very first BBQ invitation. Mommy and Daddy say there will be cats there. Smudgie says the cats are what we BBQ. I think Smudgie is probably just saying that to upset me, but just in case he's not, I want to say I am definitely opposed to BBQing cats. I like them, and would prefer to have them as friends.

Take care all, and be sure to invite a sheepdog (or two) to your next BBQ. And please, only have cats there as invited guests.

Rudy (Iron Chef BBQ)

They think I'm tucked away in my crate.

Shhhhh.

Don't rat me out.

The uprights (okay, mostly Mommy) think the bedroom carpet smells like pee. I don't see why it would. I haven't peed in there in over a month. And she's steam cleaned it with all kinds of stinky bleach and not so stinky vinegar (makes me think of french fries....yummy), so how on earth could it still smell?

So, she started picking at the edge of the carpet in the bedroom and Daddy was trying to nap and told her not to. So she kept on picking, and then he told her a little louder NOT TO, so she pouted and left the bedroom, which got Daddy worried, so HE started peeling the carpet and then called her back.

And three hours later the house is a disaster, and Smudgie and I are tucked away in our crates.

Apparently they didn't think we were all that helpful when we were climbing all over the carpet waves, or nibbling on the TWO layers of underlay stuff that was beneath it. I heard Mommy say that there were still spots that were wet on the floor. I take offense at that. I haven't peed in a month, and the new roof has been on for three. I find it hard to believe that the carpet was still wet at the bottom.

But Daddy says so, too. So I'll just disagree quietly.

Anyway, now they're frantically tearing everything apart, but of course they didn't bother to take the furniture OUT of the room to do this. Nope. Daddy lifted a piece of furniture while Mommy pulled the carpet. Then they moved to another place and did it again. I was sure the TV was going to fall right off the dresser and onto Daddy. So was Mommy. She shrieked, and Daddy's face got all grouchy looking, and shortly after Smudgie and I went to doggie jail.

I don't know WHAT they're thinking. I heard Mommy say we're going to live with the plywood until everything has a chance to completely dry out. I can't imagine what my delicate little bottom will sleep on tonight.

Why oh why did they do this?

Don't they know.

Change is bad.

Very very bad.

Gotta head back to my crate now. I hear footsteps coming. I must not let them see my at the keyboard.

Take care all,

Rudy, who can't imagine being snug as a bug without a rug.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

We need kind thoughts for cousin Malarki

My Grandma and Grandpa's dog, Malarki, is really sick. He spent two nights at the emergency vet with something called pancreatitis and something else called dehydration.

Then he got moved to Transcona Vet where he spent one night already, and possibly has to do one more.

He's getting better I hear, but kind thoughts would definitely help him.

I never got to meet him (yet) because Mommy's afraid I'd bark and snarl and maybe bite him. I promise I'd try to be good, but she's not trusting me yet.

Anyway, hurry home Malarki. I really want to be a good boy and meet you soon!

Take care Malarki

Cousin Rudy, who's rootin' for ya!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Did you know that some dogs have horns?


Mommy and Daddy and Smudgie and I went to that wonderful place called Bird's Hill Park today. We drove for hours and hours to get there (yet the drive back was really short...hmmm). We got out, had some pees and poos before we hit the trail (Mommy won't let us start until we poo because apparently the garbage can is near the start of the trail and she doesn't want to carry our poo the whole time. I happen to think we make really good poo. Sometimes mine has socks in it!)


Anyway, once we were off it was wonderful. The leaves on the trees were completely different colours than they were two weeks ago when we last did that trail. How nice it is that someone came along and coloured them all different colours, just for us.


I sniffed every single blade of grass and each and every leaf there was. It was fantastic. We walked for a long time and even as I write this my paws are black on the bottom. There's a weird smell in the air. Mommy called it "fall." I've never had fall before, but I wonder if it's connected to all the pretty coloured leaves on the ground?


Anyway we walked and walked and walked. It was great. And when it was over, we crossed the roadway and went to the Farmer's Market at Pine Ridge Hollow.


Except it wasn't there anymore. The market that is. Pine Ridge Hollow was still there, and we could smell the food, but we didn't get any.


Anyway, Daddy took us to this area where there were pens, and I saw these two funny looking dogs. They were bigger than me, and they were sitting on top of their dog houses. Weird. I sat and looked at them, and was about to make a fuss (after all, I have to defend my family from marauding dogs, don't I?) when I noticed something really, really weird.
This dog had horns.
Really BIG horns.
In fact, they both had horns.
So, I decided that they were best left alone. They had horns and they smelled funny, so why mess with them?
I'll take them down next time I'm there.
Take care all.
Rudy, the dog who stares at dogs with horns

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

This really crossed the line.

The uprights (both) took me to the vet today, and I was almost prepared for what was going to happen. Someone always puts their hand in my bum and squeezes, but I was NOT ready for this.

I can barely speak of it, so this will be a short post. The vet showed my Mommy how to do it and before I knew it the hand in my bum belonged to MOMMY! Yikes. And she didn't know what she was looking for so she dug around. Double yikes.

The vet said she did well. No one asked me.

And that's the last we'll be talking about THAT subject for a good long time.

Take care all, and always guard your flank.

Rudy (currently clenching his patootie)

Monday, September 13, 2010

There's this big thing in my living room

First of all, sorry I've been off the computer for a while. Mommy went back to school and her laptop hasn't even been turned on. What a difference from the summer holidays when she spent all her time playing this silly game called Plants Vs Zombies. I could always sneak on then.

Anyway, she finally turned it on, and then spent an hour griping about something called a Grant Summary that apparently is due on Friday, and she did it in June, but then they changed something called a template, and now she has to redo it, and I've NEVER heard Mommy say THOSE words before. You know the ones I mean.

Anyway, she walked away from her computer so here I am, telling you our news...

Something called a piano was just delivered.

It's really old, and dusty, and smelly.

Daddy's really excited. He wants to get it cleaned up and fixed. The men who brought it in say it's in good shape, but Mommy's skeptical (she always is!) She says it was against a concrete wall in a basement for twenty three years and that there's no way it's in good shape.

So, the guys who delivered it say it's a great piano, and worth cleaning up and tuning. They played it, and said it sounds pretty bad right now. Finally they left, and Mommy let me and Smudgie see it.

I like it, but Smudgie doesn't.

He sniffed it and paced around it and then Mommy sat down and started playing it.

He yiped and ran away.

Mommy said, "Great. That'll be good for yet another week-long-pee-in-the-house drama from Smudge."

I wonder if she'll let me play it. I think I'd be pretty good.

Hmmmm. Maybe I'll do that while she's at work. I did hear her say that with the new (old) piano there's no room for my crate in the living room. She hopes I won't need it for much longer, but apparently the carpet I ate on Saturday night (and then threw up all over Daddy on Sunday morning) suggests otherwise.

Take care all. I'll try to write more often!

Wolfgang Amadeus Rudy

Monday, September 6, 2010

Mommy and Smudgie are having a battle of wills...and my money's on Mommy.

Hudson was bad again today. He saw some butter on the counter and he ate it, foil wrapper and all. I heard Mommy say it was about a quarter of a cup, and that there would probably be something called "hot buttered puke" later on today. Normally I'm always up for trying something new, but that does not sound appetizing, so I intend to pass.

Apparently it's game on now. I've figured out what Mommy's up to. I've heard the story about how she cured her first sheepie (BRANDON, who spelled his name in all caps, but I've no idea why) of counter surfing.

Mommy's been leaving out some really tempting things on the counter, near the edge, and they've all been liberally seasoned with cayenne pepper. She told me all about it, and let me smell it, and then offered me about two grains to lick. I did not like them at all. She told me that's what everything on the counter now tastes like and to stay away. I will for sure stay away, but I don't steal from counters anyway. I'm a sock man myself.

Hudson stole some more butter (a tiny little piece) right in front of Mommy. But he got more than he bargained for. He was so upset, and he ran for the water bowl, but Mommy was holding it and made him sit and wait to get it. He said the flavour was horrible and his mouth burned.

She didn't make him wait that long, but he was shooting lasers out of his eyes the whole time. Then he had a drink, calmed down, and did it again...TWICE MORE.

I told him to stop. I told him to give this up, but he and Mommy are battling it out. I think she'll win. But how many more times will he do this?

Let's all hope that Smudgie gets over himself fast. I'd like the kitchen to go back to smelling nice...right now any self respecting dog can smell the cayenne a mile away. I even hung out in the dining room during dinner. It smelled better.

Take care all, and keep Smudgie in your thoughts. He's really his own worst enemy in this one.

Rudy, unseasoned

Winnipeg can be dangerous after all.

Late last night I had to protect my uprights (and my silly little big brother Hudson) from a late night OWL ATTACK.

I could hear them, discussing their attack plans, in the tree by our window. I barked several warnings, and the uprights woke up and said, "Go to sleep." I don't know why they thought the owls would listen to them. They told the owls to be quiet and go lay down a bunch of times. They never even stopped to thank me. Even Hudson seemed very ungrateful.

I kept going to the window, but had no back up, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I put down a protective perimeter of pee in the bedroom, knowing that the owls would think twice before crossing that.

Right in the middle of this, Mommy woke up and yelled, "NO!" Finally she was a little stronger in her opinion of owls. Then Daddy (who clearly misunderstood what I was doing) took me away from the battlefront, made me pee outside (as if I still needed to, silly Daddy), and then used the big old steam cleaner to remove my perimeter.

That was it. We appeared to be doomed. So I did the only thing I could think of. I herded the uprights into a small space on the bed, and then had Hudson snuggle up close. Then I protected them all with my body by stretching myself out and positioning myself on top. To further confuse the enemy I added a warning message that I repeated for hours. It sounded a lot like a snore, but it said, "Stay away. Do not attack. You will be killed. Rudy's on the alert."

But Mommy again misinterpreted my efforts, and left the safety of our huddle. She says she hung out on the internet for hours, and then slept in the TV room on the big comfy sofa.

But, we're all okay this morning, and the evil owls have moved on, so it appears my strategy worked. I've saved my family again and no one has bothered to say a simple thank you. But that's okay. I feel really good inside knowing that I know how to protect my family. And I'll get some naps in today so I can be at my best tonight to fend off any further attacks. Who knew that owls can be even more dangerous than gators? (Gators may be bigger and stronger, but they rarely organize their offensives like owls do.)

Take care all, and keep an eye on those latenight treetops.

Rudy, who heard the owls call his name





This image is not an actual image from last night. This is a Great Grey Owl, the official owl of Manitoba, however, the ones from last night were sabre toothed Great Grey Owls, wearing full body armour and carrying semi automatic weapons. I'm sure of that.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

These uprights are crazy!

I was going to tell you all about the great day we had at the park, but that will have to wait. What just happened to me trumps all.

Mommy asked Daddy to run to the store to do some errands, and he came back with this stuff called aluminum foil. Apparently he bought the wrong brand. Mommy buys the blue box, and he bought the white one with a red S on it. I have no idea why this matters, but it caused a great deal of discussion.

Mommy cut off a piece of both, and they compared and compared and compared them. I don't know why. They both looked the same to me...silver and shiny. I really thought we should just move along to the cooking portion of the evening, but no one asked me.

There was a discussion about "gauge." WHATEVER THAT MEANS. And after much back and forth (and Mommy making something up that Daddy said was complete nonsense) my crazy uprights came up with the final foil test.

At this point, Smudgie left the room. I thought this was odd, but now I know exactly why he did it. Turns out he's pretty smart.

They made two identical foil hats, and since there was only one dog foolish enough to still be in the room, I had to wear each one, and walk around, while they somehow compared its hat making ability.

No dignity for Rudy. And I heard Smudgie giggling from the dining room.

They actually made me wear foil hats! Thank goodness Smudgie didn't know where Mommy put the camera. That would have been even worse for me.

So, the final outcome? They've decided they are both the same.

I'm so glad the complete stripping of my dignity was at least in the name of science.

Take care all, and guard your head. You never know when an insane person will make you wear a foil hat.

Rudy, who no longer hears voices in his head...

Friday, September 3, 2010

Rats. Smudgie behaved today.

He went off the step to pee almost every time, and didn't steal anything from the counter at all. Mommy was really happy with him, and Daddy called him a good dog.

They were happy with me all day, and called me a good dog a bunch of times too, but it was so much better when I was the only one. I guess my fifteen minutes of fame are over.

Although, Mommy did set up a dog bed for me in our bedroom. I don't like to stay on the bed all night, and I usually curl up on any blankets or pillows that hit the floor, so Mommy brought in this gigantic pillow (she called it a doggie bed) and said that if I wanted it, it could be all mine.

I guess they still really appreciate me, even if Smudgie's currently OUT of the doghouse.

Take care all, and sleep well.

Rudy, with his very own bed

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Smudgie's in big trouble!


I am pretty sure I am now officially their favourite dog. Today, while I was hanging with Mommy and Daddy and following all the rules, my horrid big brother did a little counter surfing in the kitchen.

Now I must admit I am jealous of what he got, but not enough to risk angering my Mommy and Daddy like that.

He got an entire steak. It was raw and he wolfed it down and Mommy yelled and Daddy chased him but it was too late. That dog sure can move his little rump when he needs to. They nearly T-boned him as he made a wild dive under the table.

He's been bragging to me ever since, but avoiding Mommy and Daddy at all costs. He says it's about time the steak got shared around here. I think so too, but I'm not risking this wonderful new life I have for a little purloined sirloin! No way. I have no beef with my uprights. They take care of me...today Mommy gave us each a heartworm prevention pill AND put BBQ sauce in our kibble. And look how Hudson repays that love!

So you see? I AM the good dog, and Hudson is totally making it easier and easier for my Mommy and Daddy to see that.

Take care all, and guard your flank (steaks)!

Rudy, who knows how much is at steak here