BEWARE! BEWARE! SAVE YOURSELVES!

There is an evil presence in my new home. It's a room too evil to even speak of, really, but I must. I want to warn all my friends so they can save themselves and their loved ones.

It's called a bathroom. We have more than one in my new home, but only the one is evil. It's on the main floor. It looks like a perfectly safe room in the house, but when an innocent dog wanders in to check things out, the door closes ON ITS OWN.

And then that's that. You are trapped. No one can save you. No one can hear you scream. (Although, to be fair, I haven't figured out how to tell the uprights stuff yet and so I didn't try to scream.) I just had to lie down patiently and wait for death to take me, hoping it would be quick and painless.

After what had to be days, maybe even weeks, or possibly a month I heard the uprights calling my name. For a moment I dared to hope, but realized that no one can overcome the power of the bathroom door. Again, I gave up and resigned myself to my fate. My one final wish was that I'd had more time with my new family. I really like it here, and would have liked to be able to stay. I really, really wanted to try some more roller blading before my untimely end. A silent tear welled up in my eye.

Then suddenly, my all powerful Mommy overcame the evil bathroom door, and flung it open. Hallelujah! I was saved! Praise Mommy!

I ran out of that evil bathroom so fast, and wagged my bum almost completely off. My Mommy laughed so hard at me (I'm sure it was just a laugh of joy that I had been saved) and she and Daddy referred to me as something called a "bozo." I'm not sure what it means, but it must certainly refer to my courage in the face of impending death.

Strangely, even though I was away from them, locked in the evil bathroom, for nearly a month and possibly an entire season, they were still wearing the same clothes when they found me. Isn't that awesome? They love me so much that they looked and looked and looked and didn't even stop to change their clothes! In fact, the glasses of iced tea on the table still looked to be at the exact same level of fullness as they were when I first went missing. They didn't even stop for a drink to sustain themselves.

I vow to NEVER get trapped in that bathroom again. Never. Ever. I think this last time was definitely THE last time. (And I'm not ashamed to admit there have been many.)

Take care all, and watch out for evil bathrooms!

Rudy, proud Bozo and bathroom apocalypse survivor