Yikes, they keep adding new rules here! What gives?

I have been a good and patient fellow. I like it here, and want to be a good doggie citizen, but they've gone crazy with all these new rules. Frankly some of them are downright ridiculous. Here are just a few I've been recently informed of:

1) No eating socks. Now I know it was suggested earlier, but I thought it was more of a guideline than an actual rule. Nope. RULE. (No fair.)

2) No eating all the buttons off Mommy's dress pants. In my defense, I only swallowed two or so. The pieces that were left over could easily be glued back into almost two full buttons. And who ever heard of needing four buttons anyway? That's just plain excessive. And I doubt it's environmentally friendly.

3) No stepping on the uprights' heads while they sleep. Well if that's the rule, shouldn't their heads be neatly put away? Maybe in a drawer? It's my job to stay on top of things while they sleep. How can I do that if I can't stay on top of their heads?

4) No stealing the yarn while Mommy crochets. Do I really need to even dignify this with further explanation? It just seems there are far better uses for Mommy's attention than yarn. Enough said.

5) No digging around in and eating the soil from the almost dead anyway potted plant. A dude's gotta eat! The paprika added a nice, earthy flavour, so thanks for that. Imagine my horror when the paprika was replaced with something that looks the same but burns my delicate little tongue! What is this cayenne stuff anyway? And can you really just buy this stuff legally? I think not. Perhaps a phone call to report this controlled substance is in order.

6) No table surfing during dinner. Look, I behave pretty well when people eat at the kitchen table, but I think the dining room table should have different rules. Besides, that's where the really good food goes. Once again there was something called Prime Rib and once again I didn't get any. Now I've never complained about being left out of the spinach salads, but yesterday's dinner should have been shared. Seriously, there were even leftovers. That means there was plenty for me.

7) Apparently we don't kennel both dogs evenly. How fair is that? It seems the rule is that if you try to ruin dinner for the uprights you go to your kennel while your brother gets to stay and hang out under the table. I don't think this is fair at all. I call foul on THAT rule. (Although a shout out goes to my Grandpa who couldn't take my barking and dragged my ginormous kennel into the dining room, with me inside, so I could at least WATCH the dinner.)

8) No peeing on the deck. I know I've shared this before, but I really thought this rule would fade away quietly. Nope. They MEAN it. Where is the fun in that? These uprights seems nice and all, but I'm seeing a definite tyrannical side.

9) No swallowing toy parts. Look, if you're not going to let me eat dirt, or people food, or socks, what's left? As I've said before, A DUDE'S GOTTA EAT! If I had a steady supply of this Prime Rib stuff I'd probably give up on the other "supplements" I require.

So, that's just a few for now. Can you believe this?!? Yes, I get lots of love and tummy rubs and my own special spot on the bed, and regular kibble, and walks, and car rides, and company, and trips to puppy school, and toys, and brushing, and snuggling...that's all good stuff, but they're ruining it with all these rules.

I think I'll be writing a letter of outrage! I just have to figure out where to send it. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Take care all, and remember, when it comes to rules...less is more.

Rudy, the Oppressed