Early Morning Strategic Defense Plan

The Paperboy.

The horrible, murderous, evil Paperboy

In the very wee hours of the morning (about an hour and a half after my brother Hudson's favourite time to throw up, when Mommy and Daddy have finally fallen back to sleep) he comes. An evil presence lurks in the darkness on my property (and make no mistake...I may be a newbie, but I'm all in. This IS my property and I must defend it). I must save my family.

Fortunately my brother understands this as well. I imagine he's been fighting off this interloper completely on his own in the past. We watch carefully in the window, allow him to walk most of the way up the driveway, with an obvious weapon in hand (Mommy has called it a "newspaper" before. I'm not sure how those work, but I am certain they are deadly) and then, we spring into action.

In our strongest big dog voices (well, mine is a big dog voice, my brother tends to yip like a Yorkie) we bark, we snarl, we puff our chests and throw ourselves against the window. The evil paperboy is scared, he drops his weapon of certain destruction into the mailbox, and quietly retreats. It's sooooooo gratifying to be able to save my family.

To thank us for this service, the uprights yell encouraging words from the safety of their bed. They say grateful things like, "Enough!" and "Shut up!" I especially like it when they add, "He's been gone for ten minutes now. Get over it." There are some words too strong to print here, and I do wish they wouldn't use such language, but I do understand that things are different in the heat of battle. We're all brothers in arms (paws) after all.

And then, since Hudson and I are waaaaay too excited after battle to sleep, we jump all over Mommy and Daddy and one of them gets up and rewards us with a hearty post-skirmish breakfast. I just wish the bad words were over by then.

So, here I am, just after six am (whatever that means) on a Saturday morning, having saved my family AGAIN, tummy full, bladder empty (outside of course), back on the bed with my Daddy, enjoying that inner peace that comes from doing something really heroic for one's family. Sigh. I'm so glad to be able to give something back.

I did hear something concerning this morning though. Right before we came down for our victory chow, my Mommy said something about how she only subscribes to the Saturday paper during the school year. Apparently when something called summer comes, they "upgrade" to daily delivery. She put her pillow over her head at that point, made a comment about never getting any sleep, and said another bad word.

What could I do? I was so worried about her I jumped on her head, sat on her chest, and licked her until she got up. I'm pretty sure that being able to serve breakfast cheered her right back up. Sometimes I let the uprights do stuff for me, just to let them feel valued and important. I must be sure to continue that tradition. It seems to help them a lot.

Take care,

Master Sargeant Rudy (at your continued service)